I Said Yes to Being Alive: An Unexpected Lover

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

With your one wild and precious life?

-Mary Oliver

I don’t do this, I manage to half whisper, half speak. My voice didn’t want to cooperate in the moment, I’m not sure it was certain that it should be heard aloud.

He looked at me with soft eyes, lines stretched at the edges, his reply unspoken. I think his preceding question was as difficult for him to ask as it was for me to answer.

Four hours earlier, we met for the first time at my favorite pub in Jomtien, a small beach town on the edge of Pattaya. I have a home here, an escape from the States, but this is my first visit in four years, due to the pandemic. It is also my first time here alone. For the past two weeks I have been filling my days with sun by the pool, lots of Thai chicken, naps, reading, and learning the art of tarot cards. My human to human conversation has been practically nonexistent: no one here speaks English, and I speak little Thai and no Russian. I’ve not minded, really. The peace has been nice. But when Nick arose out of the blue, an English speaking Belgian, I once again remembered how conversations can be so delicious.