Polyamory Turned Affair: An Update

So far, my journey into ENM and polyamory has been a series of maybes.

Maybe I am not cut out for this.

Maybe I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Maybe this is all one big learning experience, and one day, once I am seasoned and really wrinkled, I will look back on this and know I lived something extra. Loving, opening myself up to loving another person, and being loved, is…so extra.

I’m afraid my story though is one of extremes…highs then lows, very little in betweens. I have been trying my best to be a cool vixen, a woman who needs nothing more than she has, a woman who certainly doesn’t need both a husband AND a lover.

But I fail.

The truth is, I am selfish, and I want what I want. I have gotten attached to my boyfriend, the boyfriend who, at the end of August, sent me a text telling me we had to be done because of his wife’s aversion to the Lifestyle. The same boyfriend who, 5 days later, texted me from a romantic weekend away with his wife, that he had fallen in love with me. The same boyfriend that cheated on his wife with me when I returned home from my European vacation a couple of weeks ago, and then two days later confessed that he couldn’t continue to cheat.

Then he went out of town for work.

On his first night alone there, he texted, drunk. “I want you. I want you to be all mine. I want you to leave your husband and be mine.” I knew it wasn’t true, and I…