Polyamory Journey…Finding the Balance

Finding the balance.

When I was in elementary school, we had a playground on the hill that had a huge barrel roller. Did you have these? Certainly they aren’t still a thing, considering how the world protects us from ourselves these days, but back then, this was the contraption that definitely prepared us for what death would look like. A giant tube made of lumber, tall enough for an eight year old and three or four buddies to stand up in and take off running. As we ran, the barrel would spin and spin. God help you if you lost your footing, as the barrel wasn’t about to stop, and your former running mates weren’t about to make it easy on you.

You were going down. You were maybe getting spun 360 degrees before you died. You were ruining your shorts, your knees, your elbows, perhaps losing some teeth.

I hated that death trap.

And yet, running in it was exhilarating. Being a part of a group that was running for the same goal was exciting, an experience in friendship. But wow, could it sometimes hurt.

That barrel reminds me of polyamory.

As I’ve written before, I’m not yet convinced I’m poly, but on paper, it appears I am. I have a husband I adore, and a boyfriend that I do love. Is that all it takes?

I can’t say it is.

Right now, and since the beginning, I’ve been trying to navigate the ins and outs of these relationships, everyday learning as I go. I try to read stories…