My Polyamory Journey, The Breakup, Take Me Back to the Start

But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tails

Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy

Oh, it’s such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be so hard.

-The Scientist, Coldplay

I’m struggling here. Yesterday, it ended. My boyfriend and I, despite not wanting to, decided the best decision was to end our affair.

I absolutely hate it.

I know it needs to be over. I know that’s the real solution. Yes, it hurts. It keeps hurting. I’m fine most of the time but I ache to hear from him. I sit and wonder if he’s thinking of me, missing me. I wonder, awfully, if he skulks around his house regretting our decision to split… While looking at his wife.

Yes, I know.

Horrible.

The hurt part of me wants him to feel as sick as I do, wants him to just be lost and alone and on some downward spiral of despair. It’s so wrong. I love him, I do. I should hope he’s relieved. I should hope he can be as happy as possible.