Jealousy? In Polyamory? I Have It.

Have you ever had a parent tell you to Knock It Off?

I’ve heard it plenty. Even out of my own mouth…

Knock it off.

But what exactly is IT? What IT are you knocking, and OFF of WHAT?

For me at the moment, it’s a bit of a monster.

It’s different.

Watching your husband fall head over heels with a woman that isn’t you?

Yeah…it’s different.

My husband sat on the sidelines of my venture into polyamory all summer, cheering me on as he could. I waded in slowly; a casual friend hookup that led to weekly dates, and eventually, to love.

Yes, the dreaded feels. I caught them, my partner caught them. The terribleness of it? We caught them the week his wife pulled the plug on their Lifestyle. Life has been a bit tumultuous since, both of us struggling to know what to say or do. I’ve written several posts about it, but as of right now, he and I are basically cheating on his wife, still messaging daily, still sneaking visits as we can, still saying many things we shouldn’t.

But this isn’t about us this time.

My husband is in love.

Eight years ago he met and dated a woman long distance, but when push came to shove, he chose not to shove. They remained friends for years, tighter at some points than others, but she was always aware that I was the woman he chose and married. I didn’t know it…