I just fell into ENM, and while I know you didn’t write this for anyone but yourself, I want you to know you wrote it for ME. A precursor wake up call, before I find myself too deep, before I allow myself to become your husband.
As someone who survived a failed marriage (I was 18 when we met, and spent 22 years together), I can tell you that life does in fact go on, and gets better. Better than you knew it could. I feel your husband is being incredibly selfish…ultimatums are absolutely wrong here. He wants his cake and to eat it too. You’re better than this. I read the other comments, and all are very valid opinions. You deserve better.
Best of luck.